chuck-norris-sat-here

I’m sorry, but the Chuck Norris jokes out there just crack me up and kids love ’em… especially preteen and middle school boys!

So here is my ever-expanding list of Chuck Norris jokes

  • Chuck Norris gets bit by a cobra. After 5 days of agonizing pain, the cobra dies.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn. He stares at it and dares it to grow.
  • Chuck Norris has a third fist hidden in his beard.
  • Chuck Norris does not jump in a lake the lake jumps on Chuck.
  • Who would win in a fight between Jet Li and Chuck Norris? Who knows, we haven’t seen Armageddon yet.
  • Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter. Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
  • Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just hasn’t worked up the courage to tell him yet.
  • Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug. The bear isn’t dead, it’s just afraid to move.
  • Chuck Norris and Superman once had a race and the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside.
  • Chuck Norris cannot Love. He can only not kill you for a while.
  • At a ripe old age, most people wonder why Chuck Norris has yet to suffer from a heart attack. Because even his heart knows you don’t attack Chuck and win.
  • When doing a push-up most people push their bodies away from the earth. Chuck Norris pushes the earth away from his body.
  • Some say Chuck Norris can’t handle the big screen. The big screen can’t handle Chuck Norris.
  • When Chuck Norris works out, the machine gets stronger!
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
  • Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  • The dinosaurs gave Chuck Norris a bad look, ONCE!
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t check under the bed for the boogie man, the Boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use sunblock, the sun uses Chuck Norris-block.
  • For years scientists have told us that CFC’s have been punching holes in the Ozone layer… You and I both know who has been punching holes in the Ozone layer… Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.
  • Chuck Norris does not need Twitter. He is already following you.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • Chuck Norris does need any licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.
  • Chuck Norris makes the speed of light wish it was faster.
  • Chuck Norris once made a happy meal cry.
  • Ghost sit around the camp fire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
  • I hear Chuck Norris send his beard shaving to the police to use for their bullet proof vest.

Many thanks to the thread Ben LaBarre put on Facebook!