chuck-norris-sat-here

I’m sorry, but the Chuck Norris jokes out there just crack me up and kids love ’em… especially preteen and middle school boys!

So here is my ever-expanding list of Chuck Norris jokes

  • Chuck Norris gets bit by a cobra. After 5 days of agonizing pain, the cobra dies.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn. He stares at it and dares it to grow.
  • Chuck Norris has a third fist hidden in his beard.
  • Chuck Norris does not jump in a lake the lake jumps on Chuck.
  • Who would win in a fight between Jet Li and Chuck Norris? Who knows, we haven’t seen Armageddon yet.
  • Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter. Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
  • Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just hasn’t worked up the courage to tell him yet.
  • Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug. The bear isn’t dead, it’s just afraid to move.
  • Chuck Norris and Superman once had a race and the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside.
  • Chuck Norris cannot Love. He can only not kill you for a while.
  • At a ripe old age, most people wonder why Chuck Norris has yet to suffer from a heart attack. Because even his heart knows you don’t attack Chuck and win.
  • When doing a push-up most people push their bodies away from the earth. Chuck Norris pushes the earth away from his body.
  • Some say Chuck Norris can’t handle the big screen. The big screen can’t handle Chuck Norris.
  • When Chuck Norris works out, the machine gets stronger!
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
  • Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  • The dinosaurs gave Chuck Norris a bad look, ONCE!
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t check under the bed for the boogie man, the Boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use sunblock, the sun uses Chuck Norris-block.
  • For years scientists have told us that CFC’s have been punching holes in the Ozone layer… You and I both know who has been punching holes in the Ozone layer… Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.
  • Chuck Norris does not need Twitter. He is already following you.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • Chuck Norris does need any licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.
  • Chuck Norris makes the speed of light wish it was faster.
  • Chuck Norris once made a happy meal cry.
  • Ghost sit around the camp fire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
  • I hear Chuck Norris send his beard shaving to the police to use for their bullet proof vest.

Many thanks to the thread Ben LaBarre put on Facebook!

Published by Jeremy Mavis

Married to one. Father of two. Friend to several. Blogger to many. Pastor to all. And a passionate follower of Jesus Christ.